Traditional Thai weddings are unique with many steps to
follow. The ceremony represents centuries of tradition where couple agree to
take on the responsibilities of marriage and family. The engagement and the
wedding happen as part of the same celebration. The rituals are
traditionally performed in the morning. I have tried to describe the
events that will take place during the morning.
The day will start with the groom (me!) visiting the
bride and her family. The visit will not be to their home but to a pavilion
at the Worabura resort.
The day will start with the "Kan-Mak" procession. This is
a ceremonial visit to greet Tai and her parents and to ask for their
daughter's hand in marriage. The groom is accompanied by friends and family
(and anyone else who wants to get up at 5.30am). We will carry offerings of
teh "Kan-Mak". These are tarys of gifts from the groom to the bride's
family.
The major "Kan-Mak" tray traditionally consists of gold
ornaments, a diamond engagement ring and cash as the dowry. In addition
there are betel nuts, sesame seeds and areca. The Kan Mak will be
covered in silk.
The minor "Kan-Mak" will have traditional food, fruits
and desserts whose names are believed to bring good luck.
The procession takes place in high spirits with folk
dances, songs and the beat of a long drum troupe to announce the groom's
arrival.
The groom has obstacles to overcome to reach his bride.
The "Kan-Mak" procession has to pass through up to seven barriers taht lead
to the ceremonial room. At the "Victory", "Silver", and "Golden" gates there
will be friends and family of the bride who will ask questions of the groom
before he is allowed to pass. These are tests of the groom's readiness to
look after his new bride.
In addition the groom must prepare envelopes og money as
the keys to each gate. The Golden gate is last, and this is supposed to have
the highest value. This is where many promises will be made confirming how
well the groom will treat his bride and his new family. There is much
friendly teasing and negotiating before the relatives will admit the groom.
For our ceremony I should arrive at the ceremonial room
for 7.29am.
In the ceremonial room the dowry will be displayed in
front of witnesses of the bride and groom's families. As the bride's groom
is seen to be checking the dowry elders from both families will scatter
peanuts and flowers on the dowry as a blessing. The dowry is a demonstration
of respect for the bride and the new family and traditionally indicates the
groom's ability to care for his bride.
We are then engaged through the simple ceremony of
placing an engagement ring onto Tai's finger. And we are officially a
couple.
The wedding ceremony itself is presided over by nine
Buddhist monks; nine is a lucky number in Thailand. The bride, groom, family
and guests make merit and virtue by preparing food and desserts for the nine
monks. The bride and groom will use the same ladle and rice bowl to give
alms to the Buddhist monks, believing that they will be born together in the
next life.
The bride and groom are then tied together with string
over their wrists and heads to symbolize the joining of their minds and
bodies as one. The monks bless "holy water" to be poured from a conch shell.
The most senior guest starts the ceremony, followed by other guests lining
up, to give their blessings for a long and happy married life while pouring
the water over the hands of the couple.
The bride and groom now pay their respects to the parents
and elders. It is traditional to present a tray of flowers, incense, candles
and Thai silk fabrics to the parents and senior family members. Gifts are
also presented top other respected elders. This is accompanied by
traditional Thai gestures of respect.
At the end of the day after the dinner and party the
newly weds leave for a well-earned rest. The day is not quite over. The
final ceremony is ‘Song Tua', which is about sending the newly wed couple to
the bedroom (Ruen Hor). For this, the bride and groom must invite a
respectable adult couple, who have been married only once, to bless their
bed and to offer their advice and wisdom and so bring an auspicious end to a
new beginning.